Bringing Luka Home: Getting to Know Luka

"Lukasz"

I guess the most important thing to mention her for friends and family is that Luka, as we have been calling him since we first heard of him, is actually "Lukasz," pronounced, "Loo-Kause" or "Wu-Kaz". We knew that was his whole name, that "Luka" was the name assigned him by the agency for simplicity but we had assumed that "Lukasz" was pronounced more like "Lucas". This was the first thing I asked Grace on the way to Lomza when we arrived in Poland, "How do you pronounce "Luka's" name in Polish?"

So, we have been calling him Lukasz. Because we don't speak any Polish, other than "thank you" and "good afternoon", we did not want to confuse him further by calling him "Luka". We had always planned to keep "Lukasz" as his official name anyway; just 'Luka" for short. Even though our pronunciation is probably not completely correct, at least it is close to what he knows his name to be. Once we are home and he has had a while to adjust to the language change, maybe after he starts saying a few words, we will let the kids start shortening it to Luka.

Bonding Period - June 22 through July 6

Lukasz has done so well over our two week bonding period. He walks better and better. HIs "Napoleon walK' with one arm on his chest and one in the air has slowly disappeared. His mind wakes up more and more every day. We have seen him slowly looking from things in his immediate circle; us, his hands, his toys and towards the outer world; the wheels on his stroller as they turn, bicycles as they pass. And we have seen him start to wake up emotionally. He was always so quiet and serious, except when he had someone to roll the ball back and forth to him. Now he laughs and pulls my hair because he knows he shouldn't and he laughs when he is walking down the street with a breeze in his face. And he has learned to stack and play with nesting cups and discovered that he really likes to have me read him an Elmo and Abby Cadabby book. And he is the first of all of our children to prefer Abby Cadabby over Elmo and any other Sesame Street character.

Being away from his foster parents seemed to have no affect on Lukasz. This is likely a sign of some attachment issues related to his institutionalization for the first year. No consistent caregiver, a failure to meet needs or to hold a child when they cry during the first year of life can cause children to have a hard time forming a strong bond. Rebuilding the natural reliance/trust that a recognized caregiver (i.e., one or two rather than many on different shifts) is going to provide physical and emotional needs consistently can take a considerable time. Lukasz was with his foster parents for only 2 months and while they made a great deal of progress, he was then moved again. They were consistent but he needed more time to bond. He loved Matt but has not looked around for him or acted sad at all since Matt left.

He will need a lot of time and only us feeding him and meeting his needs for awhile before he differentiates between us and every other adult he comes in contact with. Right now he has no stranger fear and goes to anyone that invites him. That sounds good but it is not normal for a small child. He should have deep trust in his parents and a little healthy hesitation with others at least until we reassure him. But he is young and that is good. And there is nothing that really concerns us about his ability to start attaching. So it is good that we have had this alone time with him alone before he is immersed with the other kids and my attention is necessarily divided.

Adoption Day!

On Friday, July 6, 2012, Matt, Lukasz and I traveled with our in-country representative, Grace, back to Lomza for the Final court hearing to affirm our desire to adopt Lukasz and to here the verdict of the Judge. It was 90 degrees. And no air conditioning, even in the new court building. Matt and I were in our suits; Matt had a red and white stiped tie in honor of Poland. I actually wore a skirt suit because I thought that might expected. However, my toe was so swollen from when I broke it the night before we left Oklahoma that I could not get my foot in my pumps so I had to wear the only other "dressier" shoes I had--brown sandals. With a black suit. I was worried but it turned out okay. Everyone else was in business causal so I was still dressed more formally than the other women.

We took Lukasz to the Adoption Center's Administration building where the secretary was going to watch him for us while we were in court. Unfortunately, Lukasz was sick. He had two swollen lymph nodes the size of golf balls on the left side of his neck. Grace and the Director called the doctor who cared for Lukasz while he was with the foster parents to make an appointment for after court. Poor guy did not have a fever but he was sweating profusely in the heat and was very upset. The doctor said he would be waiting for us.

We went over to the courthouse and waited for the translator. When all were present we went into the courtroom. Did I mention that we were very hot? And sweaty? The Judge, the two additional judges and the prosecutor all wore very heavy robes and you could tell they were hot. What was particularly interesting was that Matt was the only man in the courtroom. All the judges and the prosecutor were women. We were told this is pretty typical for family court in Poland but it was a surprise to us. The judge asked Matt many questions about our finances, our house, why we wanted to adopt another child "especially since you already have adopted so many and have four children. This is very unusual for Poland." Matt told her, "It's unusual for the United States too." She laughed. She asked many questions but she would start to dictate Matt's answers to the court reporter before he finished. Matt and I were suited up in the heat and poor Matt, sweat was running down his bald head. She seemed bored asking a lot of the questions which I think were just a formality. She was very lively when talking to us outside the scope of the questions.

Then the director of the Center, Bozena, gave her opinion and it was very beautiful. She said that Lukasz got very "lucky by being adopted by us because we were his only chance to he have the opportunity to have a normal life and to look as best as he possibly could and that she and the Adoption Center were so grateful that we wanted to adopt him." This was very hard and embarrassing to hear. And sad, because it was clear that they all believed that Lukasz would not be adopted had we not come forward. The prosecutor asked only one question; whether we were sure in our desire and decision to adopt Lukasz. We of course said yes. The judge asksd if we need the reasons in support of the adoption to be put in writing (I think this referred to a written opinion as to simply the decree) and we stated no which is one justification for the judge to shorten the appeal period to 2 weeks from the standard 3 (it takes approximately one week for the opinion to be drafted and issued).

We went out in the hall to wait for the decree to be drafted and we went back in and were told that the adoption was granted and that the appeal period would end on July 20th! The judge told us that there would be a new birth certificate and Lukasz no longer be a Pole. I wanted to tell her that Lukasz would always be a Pole as well as an American; that he would know all of his heritage. We signed the decree and went back to the center to take Lukasz to the doctor. We were already an hour late.

The Adoption Center in Lomza. Administration offices.

Adoption division director, Adoption Center Director (Bozena), us, and Grace.
Keep in mind that it was very hot, so that's why I am not looking my usual fabulous self.

A Polish Doctor's Office

When we arrived at the center, I found Lukasz sitting on the office sofa with the secretary. He is pants were off and he was soaked in sweat. The secretary had clearly been trying to keep him cool. I dressed him and then Grace told us that the court had just called to say that the decree we had signed had been lost!!! They thought it had accidentally been put through the shredder with some old papers. No matter, we would go back to the courthouse after the visit to the doctor.

When we arrived at the doctor's office we were told he had waited but had to go run an errand when we did not arrive. He had been gone a half hour and should be back at any minute. We waited for more than 30 minutes. The doctor's office was a lot nicer than I expected. Very much the same as a US pediatrician's office. I'll admit I was a little apprehensive about medical care in Poland but I was pleasantly surprised. Although, I would still worry about having to get care if Grace wasn't with us. No one in the office spoke any English. Really opened my eyes to issues of immigrants and the Deaf trying to get adequate care in the States too. Hard to get adequate care if you can't explain the issues you are having or understand the instructions the doctor is giving you.

While we waited a family with a 5 year old girl, 3 year old boy and a 10 month old baby boy came in. They walked to the other side of the waiting area. The girl and the boy both kept looking at Lukasz very curiously and a little frightened and telling their mom about him and I could tell she kept telling them not to stare. I nodded and smiled at them and told them in English that "he is just a little boy, do you want to play with him?". I waved them over. They did not understand what I was saying but they came over and Lukasz starting dropping his ball so they would pick it up and give it to him. It took him a few times before they felt comfortable and started picking up. When he laughed, they laughed and then they were all sitting on the floor rolling the ball to each other.

Finally, the Doctor came back. Lukasz weighed in at 18 pounds. He did not have a fever or an ear infection. The doctor said it looked like there was no sore throat but he could not be sure because Lukasz' throat is so oddly placed and obscured by his oral anatomy. He prescribed an antibiotic and said that if the lymph nodes did not get smaller after 4 days that he would need to be seen by a doctor again. Luckily, the nodes did decrease after four days.

After the doctor's office, we were off to the passport office to ensure we had everything we needed done before Matt left the country. Again, no air conditioning. For us Oklahomans, 90 degrees doesn't sound that bad because we are used to temperatures in the 100s in the summer. However, we are also used to every building being air conditioned. 90 degrees in an un-air conditioned government building is not the best. But I admit, it could have felt worse. From the passport office, Bozena decided we should just WALK (!) back to the courthouse to sign the decree again. It was really more than the heat for me. My poor broken toe was not loving all the walking and we were carrying Lukasz.

We did not complain. We just wanted to make sure all was final and done. And it was and it is!

Passport office in Lomza.

Appeal Period

The next day, Matt left for the airport at 4:00 a.m. Lukasz and I have spent our time playing, reading and going for long walks all over Warsaw. But we are ready to go home. The final, certified decree will be issued on July 20. On July 23-26, Grace and I will be getting Lukasz' Polish Passport, having his visa medical exam, and then going to the US Embassy for his visa interview. The visa will hopefully be issued by the end of that week.

I have changed our return flight to July 30 and should be home by 4:25 p.m.! So excited to see my family and for everyone to meet Lukasz.

So, please keep your fingers crossed that all goes well during that last week of getting all our legal and travel documents in order in time to make that July 30 flight.

Future coffee lover. At my favorite place to get artificial sweetener and WiFi.

Awesome tye-dye shirt and matching socks from Etsy.com. When I put these socks
on it was the first time he showed more than passing interest in his feet.