It's National Adoption Month: Let's Engage ALL Prospective Adoptive Parents

There are people other than Christians we should also be inviting to adopt. 

First, in full disclosure, I am a woman of faith.  I am a practicing Catholic.  My Christian beliefs are very important to me.  I do my best to raise my children with Christ at their heart with the focus on caring for the poor, disenfranchised, abandoned and ostracized by society.  I try to teach my children to be inviting and inclusive of all people of every faith and lifestyle.  There is no one unworthy of our friendship and kindness. Basically, to be known as Christians by our love as the hymn goes – to do as Jesus would do, even when others might not.  Of course, I am not perfect.  I judge when I shouldn’t, I turn my back when I shouldn’t.  But we are all works in progress and I teach my kids that, too.

However, when adoption is the topic, I do not discuss the Bible or my Faith, I do not put Christian themed adoption bumper stickers on my car, I do not put Bible quotes on the home page of my blog and I do not wear t-shirts with adoption themed Bible quotes.  These things only appeal to other Christians; they limit the “adoption option” discussion to Christians. I want people to approach me about adoption. And if they think I am a going to try to convert them or "save" them they are not going to approach me.  Or worse, they may think that I would be opposed to their interest if they are not Christian.

I do not have a problem with other people singing adoption’s praises through the music of their faith.  I, personally, just prefer to take a broader approach. I don’t want to close someone’s mind to adoption by evangelizing when I talk about it.  I believe that other adults have most certainly formed their spiritual opinions prior to meeting me or reading my blog. Blasting them with religious rhetoric is not going to serve a meaningful purpose.  I have always intended my blog as a broad invitation to all legally eligible persons to consider adoption; an invitation through the experience of our story of adoption and the continued life after the papers are final.

The reality is that when you start talking about “my Lord’s Word”, “His will”, “the Holy Spirit,” mentioning Christ, etc., or quoting the Bible, many perfectly good people/potential adoptive parents close their ears and turn away from the discussion.  They do not want to hear about a God they don’t believe in or a religion they disagree with or one they feel excludes them.  

And, when it comes to adoption, that’s okay.  I’m out to get these kids in healthy, stable, loving homes and I will be inviting, encouraging and inclusive of anyone I can get interested.  I do not need to discuss my faith or the Bible to explain how awesome adoption is and how it has given my family so much joy.  I do not need to discuss my faith to describe the kids or the conditions of so many kids still waiting out there to be claimed by a family or to explain the process of adoption.  I do not need to agree with the faith, life choices, etc., of the people I am talking to about adoption.  Nor do I need to agree with the faith, life choices, etc. of the people I am talking to in order to recognize that they will still make loving, stable parents.

There is a Worldwide Crisis of Orphaned & Waiting Children and it is a Matter of Life and Death

The number of children waiting in orphanages worldwide and in the US foster care system varies to some degree from source to source but the numbers are identical in one sense--they are staggering.   There are so many orphans, so many waiting children, so many children considered “too old” to be adoptable, so many 5 year olds that weigh only 10 pounds due to neglect, so many children that age-out into a life of no options but terrible options, so many children with facial differences and other perceived “unadoptable” conditions that, quite frankly, I really don’t care what religion, lifestyle or philosophy a parent adheres to, if they have the love and desire in their heart to adopt one of these children who would otherwise never know a parent’s love.  To see a sample of the children I am referring to go to www.reecesrainbow.com, www.rainbowkids.com or www.adoptuskids.org and browse around their waiting child pages.

Of course, I think that if you are Christian there are many Biblical and faith-based directives to consider adoption. When I am talking to other Christians, I discuss my faith. However, ultimately, I do not believe that you should or need to adopt a child out of obligation or obedience to any faith. I think that perhaps a successful and happy adoption can begin with consideration of adoption as an obligation to faith but the final decision should be whether you want another child(ren), believe that you can love that child(ren) as if he/she/they were your biological child(ren) and can provide the care that the child(ren) needs physically and emotionally. And these considerations/decisions can be made by anyone of any faith or no faith or of a lifestyle different from ours. 

I do believe that God wants us to adopt children in need, but I have a real problem when Christians discuss adoption in terms of “laying up treasures in heaven.”  Adoption is not about making a sacrifice for a later reward, it is a reward in and of itself.  It is about expanding a family, about more love to share between parents, the adopted child and siblings.  Thinking in terms of goodwill from the Almighty suggests that adoption is a burden or undertaking done for an ulterior purpose.  This just isn’t the basis of a healthy parent-child relationship. Besides, treasures in heaven should be a consequence, not a motivation. And in my opinion, a "witness" should not need to be declared.

For Practical Reasons, For Life and Death Reasons, Adoption Should be Free from Proselytizing  

As Christians, we can have a whole other discussion about conversion (or “saving” in non-Catholic terms), the obligation to evangelize, and, of course, that dirty phrase “being politically correct.” I could point out that if your concern is that these children will not find Christ if adopted by a non-Christian family, children can be converted from a non-Christian home but they can’t be converted if they are dead; if they did not survive the neglect, abuse or isolation of an orphanage or the misery of waiting for a family in the instability of multiple foster homes.

But, truthfully, I don’t really care about these proselytizing issues when it comes to these kids.  I am more practical than wanting to debate that.  The immediate problem is these kids living a kind of hell (I’m using a colloquialism here, not a faith term), at best with no family of any kind, at worst extreme neglect and isolation.  No permanency of love.  No hope for better in life.  No hugs from someone they can say belongs to them; because our kids don’t belong to us, we belong to them.

Draw in People of other Beliefs

I can only imagine how many more children would find good homes if we, Christian adoptive parents, would for the sake of these children, be inclusive of all people in our discussions of adoption; if we were mindful of forming the discussion to draw people of different beliefs in, instead of away.

I am more than willing to hold my tongue on religious issues to get these kids in homes. I just want PEOPLE, ANY PEOPLE who can pass a homestudy and love a child to adopt.  I’ll say it again, I want EVERYONE regardless of faith, lifestyle, etc. to consider adoption.

If that was not clear enough, I will just lay it out here for you, in no particular order:

Yes, I think that singles can give a truly loving, healthy and fulfilled home to an adoptive child.

Yes, I think that same sex couples can give a truly loving, healthy and fulfilled home to an adoptive child.

Yes, I think atheists can give a truly loving, healthy and fulfilled life to an adoptive child.

Yes, I think every religion out there, despite any theological or philosophical disagreement I may or may not have with them, produces some pretty amazing and loving parents.

Who Would Say a Child is Better off Dead than in a Non-Christian Home?

I cannot imagine a Christian saying a child in an orphanage confined to a crib, never being held, or any child with untreated medical conditions because he is deemed unworthy of the expense or any waiting child hoping for a family of his own is better off where they are than in the arms of a loving, gay couple and/or an atheist family.  Well, I take that back, I can imagine it and it makes me more than sad.