We had the last visit (first and only was at the Center last Monday) from the social workers on Monday July 2. It went very well. They asked many of the same questions they asked the last time: what were your expectations, how was Luka like your expectations and how was he different, etc. They also asked about what reconstruction we planned and the Director was so pleased that Luka was going to have a chance to "look normal" and wanted us to make sure we sent photos. We told her that we would follow what the surgeon recommended and that we would likely start with the most important functional; finishing his cleft palate correction, the craniostynotosis, his nose; getting an audiologist to assess whether he had a functional right middle ear that could be somehow accessed for hearing. And, of course, we would keep in contact so she could see his progress. She looked at Luka with such love and happiness.
And then, we learned more about the residentianal medical institution Luka had been in for 14 months of his 17 month life. The director, Bozena, really had severe animosity towards the place. Apparently, for the entire time Luka was there he did not go outside at all and was terrified of the porch when the foster family first took him out. They did take some of the ids out on the patio to play but Luka was never taken out. He could see the patio but never play there. Bozena and the other social worker think he was confined in a crib most of the time.
When Bozena would try to visit Luka,the institution workers would never return her calls or send her photos or info on his development so she would just show up (call from the car a few minutes out) and take pictures herself. They were always angry that she showed up with no warning. I think all the photos we have were taken by her. They would not let her see his room or hold him. He would be strapped in the chair on the floor in what she said was referred to as the play room but kids were strapped in carseats all around the room. They would not allow her to take him out of his carseat-- she would have to just move around him on the ground. She told us Luka was the only child there with "normal" intelligence so he was not surrounded by even peer motivation for development. I found that statement a little harsh because all children have a potential that can only be reached by stimulation. I know she said there were many children with Down Syndrome and those children are so gifted it's terrible to think of them strapped in car seats with little interaction. I felt terrible that any of those children were in that place
Finally, they were not interested in doing anything for him medically, not even the cleft lip/palate repair. So, the surgeon in Lomza arranged it. He called down to the hospital in Warsaw and got the date for the surgery and told the institution when it would be and he drove in to perform the surgery (kind of makes me feel bad about how angry I was at him when we met Luka and knew immediately the cleft palate had not been closed entirely). She said looking at him in the foster home and now, Luka is a different child than when he was in the institution and she was so sorry he had to be there.
Again, she told us how happy she was that we were adopting him. She told me that I didn't "look like I was afraid of him at all." I thought she meant his medical conditions, that I didn't treat him overly delicately. So I told her that I wasn't afraid because we had researched his medical conditions before we came and we had taken care of our oldest with lots of medical needs the first year. But Matt told me later he thought she meant his appearance and he had thought to himself, "Lady! He's just a little kid what's there to be terrified of?!" Finally, she told us she hoped that one day we would be so pleased with his appearance. We knew she said this out of love for Luka but we told her we would love him no matter what he looked like and we hoped for him what we hope for all our kids--that he be happy in life. I said, "We are so happy with him," and she said, "Oh, he is with you, too." And I said, "Oh, I don't know, children at this age are entitled to take their parents for granted. They should just expect to be loved and cared for."
I just wanted to cry when she left. I was so happy that she and the Catholic Adoption Center in Lomza had advocated for him so hard but I was devastated that his life had bee in a carseat for so long and that so many other children are living that way. Why didn't they take HIM outside? Was it because of the way he looks? Now I understand why so many of the photos we received of him before we came to Poland are of him in a carseat. I believe the photos of him out of the carseat were taken at the facility he had his cleft lip/palate surgery. Matt says that maybe Bozena exaggerated a little because often times facilities and departments just have biases against each other. I think that not returning her calls or letting her see his room are pretty big indicators of the place.
But he finally got moved to a great foster family and he is with us now. And we can hope he will have more development and surgery so his brain has enough room to grow in his skull.
No comments:
Post a Comment